April 2013 - You've Pulled

It’s that time of the month again where we give you, our members a chance to ask the awkward questions you want the answers to.

Last month we brought you photo tips and advice and prompted you to send us questions about confidence and how to boost it. We were inundated with some really great questions, but unfortunately we can only answer a few per email, meaning we picked the most common questions and brought you what we thought were the best answers. Next month’s topic is Dates, including the do’s and don’ts, what to say, what not to say, etc… so if you’ve got any questions about dates, be it your first, second or maybe even third date, we’re here to offer our advice.

Remember to send your questions to asktheexpert@expertdating.co.uk and we’ll do our best to answer them in next month’s edition.

HOW DO YOU ASK SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE?

Asking someone out on a date is always daunting, and unless there is a clear spark there, is very rarely easy. But there are a couple of simple things to remember which should make it a little easier.

1. Prepare yourself for rejection: No one likes to be told no, but it’s a fact of life and something we have to take in our stride and accept we aren’t going to get what we want. This is no more relevant than when asking someone out on a date. By preparing yourself for the worst, you are already getting over the biggest hurdle and in return, getting over your worries which bring on a lack of confidence and affect performance.

2. Avoid straight forward questions: Unless you’re 100% sure the answer is going to be ‘Yes’ avoid asking outright “will you go out with me” as this often leads to a short and simple “No!”, knocking your confidence and leaving you with nothing else to come back with. Try making it less formal whilst leaving options. “Hey, I’d really like to get together sometime and do something with you”. Not only does this open a conversation of the whats, wheres and whens, but it also reduces the possibilities for the other party to simply knock you back.

3. Know when to give up: It should be pretty clear from the outset as to whether the other party is interested in a date or not. If after following the steps above, and you’ve suggested a couple of dates and you’re still getting short, one-word answers of “Not Free”, “I’m busy that day” and “sorry, I can’t make it”.

It’s now time to cut your losses and give up as each rejection is just going to knock your confidence more and more, making it even harder for the next time as well as making you look more and more desperate. Know when to give up and move on.

Why not log in now, follow these short and simple steps and find someone to take out on a date now.

HOW TO ASK IF SEX IS IMPORTANT?

To some people sex is a big part of an intimate relationship whereas to others, it’s not important in the slightest. Some people find this a hard subject to raise due to sex being looked upon as a taboo matter. However, the best way to approach this is to be straight forward and honest.

There isn’t an easy way to bring it up, nor is it a good idea to speak in code. Be open, be honest and ask. Afterall, if the person is right for you, they will understand and the conversation will flow, if it doesn’t then maybe you’ve not found your perfect match.

WHAT IS AN ACCEPTABLE AGE GAP?

Permitting both parties are within the legal age of consent, there is no rule on age difference, it is simply down to the people involved and whether or not you feel comfortable with the difference in age between the two of you. No matter how comfortable you feel together in the quiet of the home, if you feel uncomfortable outside in public with the other person because of the age difference, then it’s not right for you.
If you both share common interests, and there is a spark there, then there is nothing wrong with an age gap.

Now you have the answers, it’s time to act on them. And don’t forget, there’s nothing to it, it’s simply a case of being confident… try it – it could be the key to your new online dating success.

Next month we’re looking at dates where we’ll cover where to go, what not to do, things to wear, and overall coaching tips.

So email your questions to asktheexpert@expertdating.co.uk and we’ll publish the best ones, along with answers from our very own experts in next month’s email.

Online dating is great in that it allows you to make your first impression online minus any awkward silences, stutters and fake laughs; you can put your charm and wit across with the aid of spell check, Photoshop and the help of the Internet (not that you’re cheating, of course). However, at some you’re going to want to take things offline. So what happens when you find yourself face to face with that person you virtually ‘clicked’ with but things aren’t going according to plan?

Read on to find You’ve Pulled’s tips for turning a bad first date around.

Lack of chemistry: Good email ‘banter’ does not necessarily mean good chemistry, so try not to get too carried away with one person before meeting with them. Likewise, if the chemistry isn’t there on the date don’t be disheartened – it could just be down to first date nerves. You’re not going to have instant chemistry with everyone you meet so forget about your expectations, decide to have fun on the date and just see where things go.

Slow conversation: There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone who is boring. Whilst they may have seemed interesting and charismatic online, now that you’re sat opposite them they are displaying the same level of personality as a wet lettuce leaf. For those situations have a couple of back-up questions like, ‘what three people, dead or alive, would you invite to a dinner party’ and ‘what three things would you take to a dessert island’. These questions are real ice-breakers and a good way to get to know a little more about each other in a fun way.

They don’t look like their picture: There’s always a risk with online dating that the person you’re meeting won’t look like their picture; they may have used an old photo or they may have used their only ‘good angle’. So what if you fancy the pants of the person in the photo but they turn up carrying a few extra pounds and sporting a set of teeth you didn’t see behind the Kodak smile? Looks aside, you’re still on a date with the same person you were getting along with just great online. So instead of doing a runner based on appearance, sit the date out and see if your personalities click.

Your date is rude: There’s nothing sexy about rudeness or bad manners; especially when you’re on a first date. This is an important time to be making first impressions and if that first impression is rude, ignorant of abusive it doesn’t say a lot for how a relationship would go. Besides, dates are supposed to be fun and exciting, you don’t want to spend your night on edge; worrying about who your date will insult next. There really is no reason for turning this date around. Simply finish eating your meal or your drink and when you’re finished, politely ask for the bill and excuse yourself from the date.

If you find yourself on a bad date the main thing to remember is that it’s only one night, or one afternoon, or a few hours. It won’t last forever and chances are you’ll not only realise what it is you’re not looking for, but you’ll also look back and laugh your head off with your friends as you divulge all of the details.

Why not take the plunge today and sign up to You’ve Pulled. Alternatively, log in to your account and check out if you’ve got any messages waiting for you in your account.